Author: Kat Lee
Fandoms: The Munsters/The Addams Family/Beetlejuice/Hocus Pocus/Elvira, Mistress of the Dark/The 10th Kingdom
Character/Pairing: Herman/Lily, Gomez/Morticia, Beetlejuice/Lydia, Billy/Sarah, Itt/Mary, Wolf/Elvira
Rating: Soft R/M
Challenge/Prompt: faeriewish13: School, ficlet_zone 6: Northern Exposure: Three Doctors and Old Tree, fffc r18.17: Cajole, and continuing a new universe started here for whatif_au 18: High School AU
Word Count: 2,559
Date Written: 11 September 2018
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
“Herman, come on,” Lily said gently, pulling on her boyfriend’s large, green hand.
He stayed stubbornly still, as unresponsive to her efforts to move him as a rock. He folded his strong arms in front of him and shook his bolted head. “No,” he said, great tears welling up in his eyes. “You know what happened the last time I tried to dance.”
“You didn’t know you were going to cause that floor to collapse -- “
“It couldn’t hold me, Lily.”
“The school gymnasium can! It’s built for monsters like us!”
“No,” he insisted, shaking his head, “it’s built for people like you, not freaks like me.”
“Herman, dear,” Lily coaxed, wrapping her much smaller arms around his folded blockade of muscular arms, “it’s meant for all of us, Frankensteins, Vampires, Bigfoots, Swamp Creatures, everybody. We’re all freaks. We’re all monsters.”
“You’re not a freak,” he disagreed, his voice coming out like a small, pouting child’s. “You’re beautiful.” His frown deepened. “I still don’t see what you see in me.”
“Maybe you’re not much to look at for some ghouls,” Lily admitted, shrugging one bare, pale shoulder, “but you’re very handsome to me. You’re perfect to me in fact. I love you just the way you are.” She leaned closer and pressed a gentle kiss on his down-drawn mouth. She stroked his green cheeks, her long, pale fingers reaching up from his temples where his bolts stuck out and running all the way down the sides of his face to the bottom of his chin.
He giggled and waved her hands away. “Stop it!” he exclaimed, his feet pounding. “You know I’m ticklish!”
“Hey! Watch it, Giant!”
“You watch it!” Lily snarled. Her eyes flashed as she bared her fangs at the spiders that were running underneath them.
“We all have a right to dance!” the male spider called back to her, one of his eight legs holding his top hat down on his head.
“Yeah,” his girlfriend agreed in a high-pitched voice, “and not get stomped!”
“Of course you’re right,” Lily said, forcing herself to relax and regain her composure. She nodded as she looked back up at her man and repeated, “We all have a right to dance.”
“But you see what just happened!” he declared, throwing out an arm and pointing in the direction of the scurrying spiders. “I almost killed them!”
“Hermy, baby,” Lily cajoled, her hands again grasping his strong, bodybuilder-type shoulders, “I’m not going to let you kill anyone!”
“What’s the hubbub, bub?” Beetlejuice asked, suddenly popping in beside them with Lydia.
Lily sighed and dropped her hands from Herman’s shoulders. “He won’t come in the rest of the way,” she said, now beginning to pout herself. “I’ve told him and told him I won’t let him hurt anybody, but it does no good!”
“You know Dad made me with two left feet,” Herman complained, his voice almost becoming a whine. He stomped his feet, and two fanged rabbits hopped hurriedly by, fussing as the spiders had done earlier about almost being stampeded to death.
“Keep control over your man!” the girl rabbit called back to Lily, puffing out her chest.
“You two hop on to the party,” Beetlejuice snarled at them, “before I decide to have rabbit for dinner!”
“Beej -- “
“I know; I know. I eat bugs,” he admitted out of the corner of his clenched, yellow teeth, “but they don’t have to know that! It worked anyway, Lyds! See how fast they hopped in to the dance and left Herm alone?”
“But they have a right to complain!” Herman wailed. “I’m a danger!” he cried, big tears rolling down his green cheeks. A purple worm grabbed his missus out from underneath the falling tears and hurried them along toward the dance, muttering as he went about death tears falling from big goofs. “See?!” Herman cried, throwing a hand out toward them.
“My dear man, you do have a problem,” Gomez agreed, walking up to join them. He twirled his mustache and glanced back to where his girlfriend was swiftly talking to two of the Sanderson sisters. “But leave it to my darling ‘Tish. I’m sure she’ll think of a way to fix this.”
“I already have, mon amour -- “ Morticia started to call back but stopped when her beau was suddenly at her side, lifting her arm in his hand, and kissing his way up its length. “Gomez!” She laughed, and her pale skin seemed a little darker in the moonlight. “Not in public! What would Mama think?”
“She’d know only that I love you, cara mia, which I want the whole world to know!” He kept kissing his way up her arm.
Morticia sighed and crooked her arm around his eagerly kissing mouth. “At any rate,” she called to their friends, “I believe Mary, Sarah, and I have a solution. Are you certain of the words?” she asked the sisters, looking back to them.
“Oh, I’m certain! I would never have been able to fit into this dress if I couldn’t make some of my pounds transparent!”
“Mary, dear, I’ve told you it doesn’t matter how big you are -- “
“Yeah, right!” Herman cried. “Only little people ever say that! You don’t know what it’s like, being a disaster and a danger everywhere you go!”
Morticia sighed. “Very well,” she said and pulled her arm away from Gomez, who pouted, dismayed, at her. “Come on, ghouls.” She waved Mary and Sarah forward. Together the three of them surrounded Herman and Lily in a half circle. They bent, waving at his size twenty six feet, and began speaking words in an ancient language.
Lily didn’t dare move until they were finished. Morticia was the first to straighten. “There,” she declared with a satisfied smile. “That should do the trick!”
“Mi querida, you made magic again!” Gomez cried, flinging the cigar he’d been smoking away into the bushes and leaping to Morticia’s side. He lifted her arm and started kissing her all over again.
“What did you do?” Herman questioned uncertainly, looking down at his huge feet that were known for breaking things, like the entire floor at their favorite eatery in town.
“We made your feet transparent,” Mary announced, standing. “You can still walk. You can still use them. But they won’t actually touch anything.”
“Just his feet?” Lily asked, frowning. “Can you do that?”
“I got the spell from Winnie’s Book. You know, the one she never lets anyone else touch?”
“The one with the roving eye?” Lydia asked with a shiver. “The one that always acts like it’s trying to see through our clothes?”
“Of course he is, babe,” Beetlejuice remarked, wrapping a possessive arm around her. “Everybody is.”
Lydia rolled her dark eyes at him. “I wouldn’t think you’d like anybody seeing through my clothes, BJ -- “
“I wouldn’t, not if was really looking at your goods, but he’s not. He can’t. Besides he’s just an eyeball. He doesn’t have any hands or tongue to go playing.” He winked down at her.
She shook her head but laughed, smiling. “You are such a nut!” she exclaimed adoringly, slipping her arm around him and giving him a half-hug.
“Only one of many reasons why you love me,” he continued to tease.
“But what about me?” Herman asked, whining. “Is this really going to work?”
“Like I said, yes, it is,” Mary insisted.
“It is! It is! It is!” Sarah cried, jumping up and down and clapping her hands together in glee.
“But what about the rest of him?” Lily questioned after waving a hand through Herman’s big feet. He laughed. “Did that tickle?” she asked, looking up at him.
“Nope!” he exclaimed, shaking his head and grinning broadly. “I didn’t feel a thing!”
“Can you feel this?” she queried softly, running a hand down his muscular chest and the white shirt whose fabric fit him like a glove.
“Oh, yeah!” he crowed excitedly. He shook from head to foot, but his feet did no damage even as he jumped up and down in his excitement.
“Then I think we’re ready,” Lily announced, smiling triumphantly, “and you,” she said, touching her fingertip to his nose, “have no more excuses!”
He grabbed her hand and kissed its back, reminding her that, for all his flaws and childish behaviors, he could be as romantic as she. “No,” he agreed eagerly, “I have nothing more to hold me back! It wasn’t an excuse, darling! I just don’t want to hurt anybody else!”
“And you won’t,” Morticia assured him, looking up from where she was making out with Gomez.
Herman’s grin was so big it threatened to split his manmade face. He raised Lily’s hand and spun her all the way into the gymnasium. He swiftly followed after her. Smaller students screamed and started to run, but his pounding feet passed harmlessly right through them.
“We did it!” Sarah cried, clapping again. “We did it! We did it!”
“And I have a surprise for you, sister dear,” Mary said, grabbing her sister’s hand before she could clap again and pulling her over to the left of the pathway. She tugged her behind an old tree who smiled kindly down upon them, had since they’d first began their journeys at the school years ago, and who was now quietly hiding Sarah’s secret boyfriend from view. “Billy!” Sarah cried in delight as she spotted the handsome Zombie.
He grinned at her. “Sarah! Mary said she wouldn’t let us down!”
“As long as you don’t hurt her,” Mary told him, placing Sarah’s hand in his, “you’ve got my support.”
“But Winnie -- “ Sarah started.
“Winifred doesn’t have to know everything!” Mary exclaimed heatedly. “Do you know she wanted to use tonight to put the whole school under a spell? It’s a good thing the Principal found out and was able to stop her!”
Sarah looked at her sister through wide, anxious eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Oh, yeah! He’s got Doctors Jekyll, Hyde, and Bombay all watching her tonight! She won’t be able to curse a toad without having them all sweep down on top of her! And she’ll be too busy trying to get away with something while underneath their long noses -- “
Sarah squealed and jumped up and down again. “ -- to notice me and Billy!”
“Precisely.” Mary beamed. “Have fun, you two.” She pushed them, with gentle hands, toward the open, glowing doors of the school gymnasium. She could already hear the music and laughter beginning, but she hesitated in going in herself. She knew, even with the spells she’d cast tonight, that she was nothing to behold. No one would want to dance with her, she thought, her smile falling into a pout. She might as well go home now that she had Sarah and Billy together.
Walking around the old tree, she started to walk down the pathway only to have the tree herself betray her. “Morticia, Mary’s leaving!”
“Oh no, you don’t!” ‘Tish cried, whirling out of Gomez’s heated embrace.
“But, ‘Tish!” he cried in dismay.
“Oh, hold on, Gomez! Where is Elvira?” she demanded, looking around. “That ghoul’s always late for everything!”
“Always fashionably late, darling.”
Morticia spun around again and saw Elvira walking up to them from the right side of the school. “Just in time! Mary,” she called out, “I want you to meet somebody very special!” She ran to her friend’s side, grabbed her pudgy arm, and hauled her over to Elvira and the two guys with whom she stood. The handsome one already had his arm tightly around Elvira’s slender waist. The other guy chattered excitedly underneath his long hair, but no one could make out a word he said.
“This,” Morticia said, taking charge, “is Cousin Itt.”
“Cousin Itt? Really?” Mary made a face. “He looks like a walking -- “
“He’s actually very handsome underneath all that hair,” Morticia declared, cutting her friend a warning look. Mary hushed; she knew she was no prize herself. “And,” Morticia added, “he can cut a rug like nobody else!”
“Really?” Mary asked again, clearly both surprised and doubtful.
Itt chattered excitedly again, but it sounded like he was agreeing with his cousin. He reached a gloved hand out from somewhere within all his long, brown hair. Mary took it, and he spun her as though she weighed nothing more than Lily did to Herman! Mary gasped in surprise but barely had time to react before Itt spun her again and again and again, straight into the school and out onto the gym floor.
“They are going to have such a good time!” Morticia exclaimed gleefully. “Mary’s going to be batty about Itt before this night is over!”
“You’re always so good at matchmaking, querida,” Gomez said, coming up behind her and slipping his arms around her again. He leaned down and rubbed his nose against hers in an Eskimo kiss. “Shall we go in now?”
“Actually I rather like it out here.” Morticia leaned into his embrace and started passionately kissing him again.
Beetlejuice looked from Gomez and Morticia making out to Elvira allowing her boyfriend to already handle her pale, milky white breasts through her cleavage. “They’re going to be the first ones to get married,” Lydia commented happily.
“Who? Elvira and Wolf?!”
“No! Morticia and Gomez!” Lydia pointed at the couple in question. “They’re so clearly made for each other!”
“Like you and me, babe. You wanna make out?” he asked hopefully.
“After we dance for a while,” Lydia said, grabbing his hand. “You did promise me a few dances, Beej.”
“I did,” he allowed and went with her into the gym. He normally hated being anywhere close to the gym, but he’d follow Lyds anywhere. They stopped in the doorway, however, and gazed, in shocked and delighted surprise, at the circle of students ringing the gym floor. Two couples were cutting a rug unlike anything the school had ever witnessed before, and the students cheered them on.
Lydia beamed at Herman and Lily and Itt and Mary for a while before turning in her boyfriend’s arms. “Maybe those dances can wait a while after all,” she said, snuggling closer to him. She leaned up against him and kissed him, then laughed when he blew a “AOOGAH!” horn out of nowhere. “You are one of a kind, BJ,” she commented, rolling her beautiful, dark eyes up at him.
“And I’m all yours, Lyds,” he said, drawing her close to him, growing uncharacteristically serious, and kissing her long and deep in the first of a growing embrace that would last them long into the night. He stopped kissing her only when he heard Wolf howl somewhere outside and decided to throw back his own head and howl.
Lydia laughed but caught his face in her hands, brought him down, and silenced him with another kiss full of all the love and passion she’d always feel for him alone. This school really was enchanted, she thought. It really was magical, because some of them had already found the ghouls they’d love for all time, something that very rarely, if ever, happened back in her world. But she was never going back there. She sighed into their heated, passionate kiss. She was never leaving BJ ever again! Oh, yeah, her life, or her afterlife at least, really was perfect at long last!