Kat Lee (katleept) wrote,
Kat Lee

To Its Fullest

Title: To Its Fullest
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Character/Pairing: Spike/Buffy, past Riley/Buffy
Rating: PG-13/T
Challenge/Prompt: 1_million_words August Rush Day 6:
Warning(s): None
Word Count: 631
Date Written: 14 August 2018
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to Whedon, not the author, and are used without permission.

She stood and watched from underneath the boughs of the ancient tree that had given them its shade that day. It seemed odd that it had only been a small number of weeks since she’d last been here, basking in the glow of the sun, basking in the light of Riley, basking in the belief that, for a little while, she could be normal. She should have already known that the one thing she can never be is normal. She’d always believed in anyone being able to be anything they chose, but the one thing she could never be was normal.

She should be grateful in a way. If she wasn’t a Slayer, she would never have been given Dawn as a little sister. She might never have met Willow and Xander, having never had a reason to move from LA. She surely never would have become friends with the school’s librarian. She had a whole world of friends and family she never would have met if not for being a Slayer.

And if not for being a Slayer, she never would have met the two greatest loves of her life. Riley certainly wasn’t on that list. He had been a mistake, an ends to her means of trying to feel normal. That’s all their relationship had ever really been about: She’d been trying to feel normal, and feeling normal meant having a normal, steady boyfriend whose heart still beat in his human chest.

But being normal had nothing to do with the reason she was smiling tonight. That reason crept up behind her and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He placed a kiss on the side of her neck, something that no longer bothered her because she knew a kiss was all it was. He no longer tried to bite her without her permission. “Reminiscing, Slayer?” Spike asked, his voice soft and hot beside her ear.

She grinned slyly. “Just thinking about what a fool I was,” she admitted.

“We’re all fools sometimes.”

“Yeah, and we’re all love’s bitch sometimes.”

“Hey,” he protested jestingly.

She turned in his arms to face him. “I’m glad actually,” she confessed.

“Glad of what?”

“Glad losing Riley finally made me realize something I should’ve known long ago.”

“What? That we belong together?”

She glared playfully up at him. Spike was no more a forever kind of match for her than Riley had been or, at least, that’s what she believed at the time no matter how much he’d like to make her believe otherwise. “That I don’t have to be normal to be happy.”

“You’re the Slayer. You couldn’t be normal even if you tried.”

“Yeah, and I’ve tried way too often and way too long.”

“Does that mean you’re done fighting who you are?”

“Who am I is still up to me. It always will be.”

“Of course.”

“But I’m done fighting what I am, done trying to be something I’m not.” Her eyes dropped from his and onto his mouth as she whispered quietly, “For now.”

“Yeah.” He grinned. “For now.” For now, they were both done trying to be something they weren’t. He lowered his mouth onto hers, thrust his tongue pass her lips and around her own tongue, and drew her back into the shadows with him. For now, they were together, and that, for the time being, was enough for them both. One day, though, he knew she’d try again to be normal, to be “human”, just as one night he might also try again to be something he knew he could never be. For him, that impossible something was being worthy of her, but for now, he just enjoyed the fact that she was letting herself be with him and used the moment to its fullest.

The End
Tags: btvs: spike/buffy
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