Author: Kat Lee
Character/Pairing: Hulk/Iron Man, Pepper
Challenge/Prompt: comment_fic: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Bruce Banner+/Any, they say music calms the savage beast, but sometimes food does a whole lot better. requested by untldeathtakeme
Warning(s): Crack! :)
Word Count: 564
Date Written: 22 June 2018
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to Marvel Comics and Disney, not the author, and are used without permission.
“Come on; come on! Pepper, where are you?!” She had never let him down before, but Tony could feel the minutes ticking into hours and their chance of stopping the Hulk from destroying the city this night quickly diminishing. The big, green guy hopped toward another car. Tony heard more pedestrians scream as he flew down. “I TOLD YOU FOLKS TO GET OUT OF HERE!”
Turning and twisting in the air, Tony shot again just as the Hulk roared. Another burger sailed into his mouth. He stopped and chewed slowly as Tony took another patty out of his suit and started heating it up with a tiny laser. He was just barely keeping the Hulk chilled enough that he hadn’t seriously hurt anyone, but with the other Avengers gone on a mission, and Tony himself having been injured in battle recently, this wasn’t looking promising.
“Come on! Come on!” Hulk roared again, and Tony shot the patty into his mouth and pulled out another one. Looking into that compartment of his suit, he groaned. “Damn.” It was his last one. Any minute now and --
He looked down as he heard squealing tires. “Well, it’s about damn time,” he muttered. He shot the last patty into the hulking beast’s mouth and shot down where Pepper was just beginning to climb out of her car. “No! Don’t stop! Just give me those and go! Get outta here!” He grabbed the boxes and couldn’t help muttering, “What took you so long, any way?”
“They were closed!”
“Of course they wouldn’t stay open for a rampaging Hulk!”
“Well, who would have thought that that would stop him?!”
Tony blinked, ignoring the water that somehow suddenly jumped into his vision in his helmet. He looked again at the “monster”. “I know the guy behind the green,” he reminded her. “He’ll do anything for these.” He flew open again, opened the first box, took out the pie, and threw it as hard and as fast as he could into the Hulk’s mouth.
Hulk stopped roaring, shut his mouth, and slowly chewed. He lowered the building he’d just lifted. He chewed each bite slowly, savoring the taste until the last before looking up at the tiny man in the brightly colored suit. “MORE!” he demanded.
“You got it, buddy!” Tony agreed readily in the Iron Man’s metallic voice. He shot pie after pie into the Hulk’s mouth, and he slowly began to decrease in size and anger with each bite he took. He waited only until the monster’s mouth was empty before he shot another one into him. His muscles began to fade. Green began to turn to white, and Tony grinned. “Goal!” he exclaimed, his mustache twitching happily.
Soon Bruce, in all his naked glory, was gazing up at him, still slowly chewing and savoring the last bite of caramel cheesecake. Tony flew down and opened his visor. “Feeling better?” he grinned at him. “You were a regular Snickers commercial there for a minute.”
“You stopped him,” Bruce marvelled aloud, looking at him. “And there’s not a scratch on you!”
“Not a scratch,” Tony confirmed, grinning smugly. He took off his helmet and stepped closer.
“How did you -- ? And why am I tasting cheesecake?”
Tony just laughed and laughed. “Come here, you,” he said, drawing his boyfriend into his arms and hugging him tightly. Thank God for cheesecake!