Author: Kat Lee
Challenge/Prompt: halfamoon Day Three: Time and Space
Word Count: 1,142
Date Written: 4 March 2018
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to Marvel Comics and Disney, not the author, and are used without permission.
She wants to scream at the universe that this life isn’t fair. Every time she starts to get settled, every time she’s finally beginning to allow herself to be happy or has come to accept that she will never be happy again, her life changes once again. Now she’s in yet another timeline in a place where she should be able to have her beloved Kitty with her, but the love of her life is no longer here. She should have moved when she had the chance, not away from her but toward her. She thought keeping her at a distance this time would lessen her pain when she was inevitably taken from her again, but she hadn’t counted on Pryde being taken and her own pain increasing tenfold.
Her mother’s dead in this world, and her father is anything but the man she remembers. He’s in the arms and bed of the White Queen, something her own dad would never have done. And she still hasn’t been born in this world though she has lived here before. Kitty thinks she’s from a different time period, that she’s a different Rachel than the one she used to spend her nights with in Scotland, but she’s the same person, only older in all ways and smarter only in a few. If she had been as smart as she pretends to be, she would have not wasted a second with Kitty but would have gathered her close in her arms the very first moment she found herself in this reality again and told her how much she loved her, how much she’s always loved her, and how much she will always love her.
She’s been in worlds where she’s been born. She’s been in worlds where she had yet to be born and in worlds, like this one, where she will now never be born. She’s been a hero; she’s been a bloodthirsty murderer, a monster. But of all the worlds she’s been through, through all the timelines in which she has existed, one truth has remained universally the same: She loves Kitty Pryde. Rather she’s Katheryne, Kate, or Kitty, she loves her all the same. Rather she’s younger than her or twenty years or more senior, Kitty’s still her best friend and the only person she’ll ever love in that special way.
She’s the reason she stayed so long the first time she was here, and the reason why she fought through Hell and back, through everything Ahab had to toss at her and more, to get back here. And yet she’s let the opportunity to be with her slip again through her fingers. Rachel stares up at the stars through the tears flooding from her green eyes. She rocks herself back and forth, her arms wrapped around her legs like she’d often seen Kitty do on the moors in Scotland. She gazes up at the universe that is clearly so much bigger than she and wonders if somehow, by some miracle, Kitty managed to survive that missile. Could she yet come home to her, or should Rachel start hunting again, going through universe after universe, timeline after timeline, until she finds her beloved alive and well again?
And what if she does? What then? Will she be naive enough again to make herself suffer by refusing to allow Kitty to know that she’s one and the same, the woman who still loves her, the woman who never stops loving her no matter what else they must endure? Or is she better off just waiting here? People have come back from the dead. It’s almost a given in the X-Men’s world, or so they say.
She’s talked to Logan, who’s the only person who might actually know Kitty even better than she does. He was pretty firm in his belief that, if any one could survive that missile, it would be Kitty. It rains every night these days as Ororo’s tears leak from Heaven for their fallen Kitten. And yet . . . Yet there’s a part of Ororo, Rachel knows, that dares to hope that Kitty may still return. Even the Elf prays for Katzchen’s return at every opportunity. They haven’t given up on her, so how can she?
No, it’s better by far that she stay here and wait. How many times has she gone into another world to discover she’d just missed Kitty? She’s finally in the right timeline again this time. She just needs to wait. If it’s meant for them to be together, Kitty will find her this time. She’ll come home. And who knows? Maybe this time, Rachel will finally be brave enough to pull her close and tell her all she’s been aching to say since she first laid eyes on her again. Maybe this time she’ll tell her how much she loves her. Maybe this time, if things work out right between them at long last, she might even ask her to marry her.
Now that’s a thought, she muses, a ghost of a smile chasing over her lips despite her tears. She wonders what happened to the wedding ring her father gave her mother. It clearly hadn’t meant nearly as much to Scott as it should have, but it still means a great deal to her. She’d like to put it on Kitty’s finger one day. She sighs, realizing that she does need to talk to her father after all, but keeps sitting there, looking up at the stars, searching for any sign of her Kitty.
Kitty will come again. She has to for they’re meant to be together. She’ll come again, and this time, Rachel vows, she’ll be ready and keep nothing secret. She’ll tell her exactly how she feels and ask her to marry her, and if Kitty at all feels the same for her, which Rachel believes she does, she’ll jump at the chance to be her wife. They were always meant to be together, Ray realizes despite her own marriage in her past to Franklin. Kitty’s always been the other half of her soul, the better part of her since before the day she was born with as twisted as the timelines and their lives have become.
But in the meantime . . . In the meantime, all she can do is wait and watch and fight to be a woman who can stay in this timeline this time, fight to be a woman who Kitty will be proud to call her love and perhaps even her wife, fight to make Kitty, and her mother, and all those she’s loved and lost proud of her at last. “I’m waiting, Pryde,” she whispers to the night, and she’ll wait forever if need be -- but as she’s waiting, she’ll fight. After all, that’s what Kitty’s always done while she’s been waiting for her to come home to her.