Author: Kat Lee
Challenge/Prompt: comment_fic: SPN, Dean/Crowley - he'd never admit how much he missed him requested by dreamsofspike
Warning(s): Spoilers, Cannon Character Death
Word Count: 300
Date Written: 6 February 2018
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to Kripke, not the author, and are used without permission.
He never said the words. He never let himself, once his soul was restored, give in to the pull he felt to the King of Hell. He remembers flashes of their Summer together. He knows more than what he would like to admit of what he was at that time was his true self. They all have good and evil within them, and being evil, as long as Crowley was there to share it with him, was fun. He could have stayed like that forever if it wasn’t for Sam.
But now he’s got his brother back, and the King of Hell is gone. In his absence, even if only to himself, Dean can admit he did have feelings for him and that yes, even Crowley had some good left in him though he would never admit it any more than Dean will admit even now how much he misses him.
Yet every time he smells brimstone, he thinks of Crowley. Every time he and his family find themselves in a fix so bad that he doesn’t know how they’re going to survive it, he thinks of Crowley. He remembers how his eyes touched his in that final moment when he dug the Angel blade into his own meatsuit’s flesh, into his own dark soul. He always claimed he didn’t have one, but Dean isn’t so sure now.
There was always something about Crowley, something that tugged at everything Dean was. He saved him so many times when he could’ve killed him long ago. In the end, he gave his own life to save his. Dean looks at the ground beneath his boots and wonders if he’ll ever see him again and, if he does, if he’ll have the courage to finally tell him what he’s felt all these years.