Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: Lost Girl
Word Count: 1,309
Date Written: 22 November 2017
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to SyFy, not the author, and are used without permission.
“Kenzi,” Bo calls carefully to her best friend upon seeing where she’s standing alone, “what are you doing there?”
Kenzi gathers her courage before turning to face her dearest friend and only family in this crazy world. “What does it look like I’m doing here?” she counters.
“It looks like you might have a death wish,” the Succubus counters, slowly advancing on her.
“Maybe I do.” Kenzi shrugs. “Maybe I don’t.” Her eyes lock with hers. “Maybe I just want one wish to come true this Christmas.”
“I have a wish too, Kenzi; it’s that you see another Christmas.”
“You have more control now.”
“Not enough to give you what you’re asking for.”
“You don’t seem surprised?” Kenzi asks, studying the dark, emotional pools of her eyes.
“Did you really think I didn’t already know?” Bo asks her, suddenly seeming almost breathless. “Kenzi, I know what you want. I know how long you’ve wanted it, wanted me. I want you too, but I love you more than I want you.”
“You know,” Kenzi remarks, shaking her head, “a statement like that would only make sense in our crazy world.”
“I’m sorry, Kenz,” Bo whispers, her beautiful face falling, “but it’s the truth. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t hurt me -- “
“Yes, I will.”
“What if I tell you it hurts more not having you, bringing you the late night snacks when you need them and you’re between your wolf and your other human? Yeah, I said ‘other’ human. Don’t look so surprised, Bo. If you really already knew I want you, I love you, then you know it’s been that way since the beginning.”
“Kenzi,” Bo breathes her name. She takes her hand and steps closer to her, right underneath the mistletoe. “You know mistletoe is actually poisonous?” she asks, looking up at the sprig.
Kenzi shrugs. “If you eat it, yeah. But I’m not asking for you to eat me, Bo. I’m not asking for anything more than one small Christmas wish come true, one tiny Christmas miracle, one kiss.” Her eyes lock with hers. “That’s all I’m asking.”
“But what if I can’t stop myself?”
“I’ll stop you,” Kenzi promises.
“And if you can’t? Then you die. I can’t lose you, Kenzi!”
Taking Bo’s hands in hers, Kenzi vows, “You won’t lose me, Bo. I won’t let you. I want more time with you, more . . . everything with you, not less.” She shakes her head and gazes deep into her eyes. “You take a chance with everybody but me. Why not me?”
“Because I care about you, Kenz, more than I do anybody else. I . . . I love you more.”
“Then show me. Prove it to me. Stop this feeling I have year round that you don’t want me as anything more than your friend or maybe even just your delivery girl.”
“That’s so not true!”
“Isn’t it? Then show me,” Kenzi challenges her. “Prove to me I’m wrong. Show me you want me. Show me you -- “
Bo steps up to her, closing the last, tiny space of distance that had remained between them. She squeezes Kenzi’s hands and presses her lips to hers. She struggles to keep their kiss gentle as she lifts Kenzi’s left hand, slips it underneath her blouse, and presses it to her heart. Kenzi’s fingers spread across the soft curve of Bo’s breasts, her palm thrumming with the beating of her heart.
She gasps softly, small, but it’s enough for Bo’s tongue to sweep into her mouth. Kenzi’s tongue meets hers readily. They wrap around one another as they’ve both longed to do since almost the very beginning of their time together. Bo gives a little gasp, her dark eyes rolling back into her head. Their kiss is everything each of them has ever dreamed it would be, but Bo’s dreams of Kenzi always end in nightmares.
She tries to step away, but Kenzi releases her left hand and uses her freed hand to pin Bo’s left shoulder. It wouldn’t be anywhere near enough to hold her in place except that Bo doesn’t want to go. She’s dreamed of this moment just as much as her best friend has. She moans in delight, and Kenzi sweeps her tongue deeper into Bo’s mouth. She twists and turns her blade around hers.
Slowly, Bo’s hands slide over Kenzi’s hips. Her arms encircle her, and she steps closer still. Their kiss deepens still. Suddenly, Kenzi feels as though something is pulling at her. At first, she doesn’t respond. She just lets Bo take, because she doesn’t want this moment to be over so soon. She doesn’t want them to be over so soon. She wants to stand just like this, kissing her, tasting of her, being one with her forever --
But she promised Bo she wouldn’t let her do this. She promised her she’d be okay, and if she doesn’t break this kiss, this is all they’ll ever have. She isn’t ready to give Bo up. She isn’t ready to give them up, but to keep them now, to keep kissing the love of her life and being kissed by her, will cause exactly that. It takes every inch of Kenzi’s strong will, but she moves her hands from Bo’s breast and shoulder and shoves them hard into her midsection instead.
Bo stumbles back. Their kiss is over, their direct, passionate contact broken. Kenzi can see bright starlight again as well as the neon colors of the decorations beyond their home and their own, tiny Christmas tree in the corner, the tree they almost hadn’t put up but had, in the last few days, decided to erect after all because at last they’re together. That in and of itself makes this Christmas memorable, makes every day and night memorable.
“Kenz -- “ Bo breathes unsteadily.
“I’m okay,” she assures her hurriedly, flashing a big, bright smile up at her. “I’m more than okay, and I got my Christmas wish.”
Bo is still shaking slightly as she allows herself to pull Kenzi back into her arms. She hugs her tightly and holds her for just a moment before shoving herself away. Kenzi’s okay this time, but she almost wasn’t. She almost lost her. She spoke the truth earlier. She wants her, she loves her, more than anybody else she’s ever known, but to have her is to lose her.
She walks away, and Kenzi, understanding the pain, lets her go. Bo goes to her room and shuts the door behind her, shuts the door on Kenzi, shuts the door on her world. Walking to her window, she looks out onto the night. She sees the stars shining brightly in the sky. Once their winks would have seemed to tempt her, to taunt her, but tonight, she smiles for tonight, she’s been given a Christmas miracle.
Maybe it didn’t last for long. Maybe they had to break away in order to keep each other in their lives and to keep Kenzi alive. But she did have her. For a short while, she’d had the very girl of her dreams, the girl she truly loves. For a short while, she’d had everything she needed, and she still has her. She just doesn’t have her in that way, but maybe one day, or maybe one night, she’ll have her again. And maybe the next time, she won’t have to push her away. Wrapping her arms around herself, remembering the feel of Kenzi’s mouth against hers and her hands on her body, Bo whispers and smiles, “Merry Christmas, Kenzi.”
Beyond the solitude of Bo’s bedroom, Kenzi still stands underneath the mistletoe, looking up at the plant and remembering, in vivid detail, every inch of the miracle and contact with which she was just blessed. Still tingling with warmth from her head to her toes, Kenzi grins and whispers back, “Merry Christmas, Bo.”