Author: Kat Lee
Fandoms: Disney/Peter Pan/Hocus Pocus
Character/Pairing: Jay+/Ice, Witch Hazel, Hook
Rating: Soft PG-13/T
Word Count: 1,924
Date Written: 27 September 2017
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to Disney, not the author, and are used without permission.
“Man, this sucks!”
“What are you talking about, dude? We’re celebrities!”
“Yeah -- for being villains! The Witches are the real celebs! They have fits every time they come outside! We only stole candy -- they stole souls!”
“Yeah,” his partner agrees, beginning to pout, “and we can’t even steal candy now!”
“Not without facing the Mouse! Whoever heard of a giant, talking mouse protecting kids?”
“Or ruling a whole freaking kingdom?”
“We need to take down the Mouse, is what we need to do!”
“If I knew how, we’d already have done it!” Ice slaps Jay across the back of his head.
“Hey! I know;I know. I deserved it.” Jay admits a moment later, still rubbing the back of his blonde head.
“Damn right you did! If I knew how to get us out of here, we’d already be out! You think I want to live where the Witches are celebrated or where a giant mouse makes sure we all do right? It’s sick, dude! SICK!”
“I know,” Jay grumbles his agreement. He sighs, but then his eyes light up suddenly. He looks at his partner with a growing grin. “Why don’t we have some fun?”
“What can we possibly do that that damned rodent won’t us for? He’s probably got a huge mousetrap somewhere only he uses it on humans he doesn’t like instead of other mice!”
Jay shivers at the thought. Other people might think Ice is crazy, but they’ve both seen and endured enough to know that that is a very real possibility. “Look,” he says, indicating the cottage they’ve been hanging out in front of while talking. “Nobody’s home.”
“So, dude, we can ransack the place and leave before whoever it is gets home and nobody will ever know it was us!”
“They all are at the Halloween party,” Ice murmurs, “partying with those stupid Witches . . . “
“Yeah! There’s no one here, and I don’t see any cameras either!”
“That’d be a first,” Ice mutters. “This place has got cameras everywhere!”
Jay swings the little white gate open and moves his hand around inside the passageway. No beams appear; no alarms see. “See?” he asks. “We’ve got it free, man!” He strides inside. The gate doesn’t swing shut behind him. No alarms sound still.
“Duuuude . . . “ Ice begins to chuckle as he follows his childhood buddy. “I should’ve known you’d find a way to cheer me up!”
“Of course, man! What are besties for?”
“Evidently, for righting wrongs, singing songs, and saving the world -- least that’s what they’d have you believe.”
“Man, we are so not listening to that brainwashing crap! Come on!” Jay pulls out two rolls of toilet paper from inside his leather jacket. He tosses one to Ice and throws the other up into a tree. They begin rolling the toilet paper every which way, never seeing the gate that begins to glow and move behind them. The white pickets move up and down, almost as if they’re dancing, but the eternal teenagers never see them.
From inside the dark house, a voice mutters, “I knew there was a reason why I had this nasty cold and couldn’t go to tonight’s show.” The old woman sniffles and rubs at her big, red nose. “I have to teach these boys a lesson. They’re not listening to Mickey. They’re blinder than Donald, and I have a feeling they’re more stubborn than that crazy duck too!”
She moves her wrinkled hand forward, and her front door flies open with a loud Bang! Jay and Ice emit simultaneous, high-pitched squeaks of terror, freezing with their toilet paper in their hands, but when no one emerges, Ice shrugs it off with a laugh. “These buildings are crazy, man. You know that. But they can’t talk. We’re clear!” He swings the roll back at his friend as Jay tosses him the one he holds.
The steps squeak. The wood panels of the porch’s floor begin to lift and glow. The shutters bang open and shut.
“Dude,” Jay comments with a nervous laugh, “I think we’re pissing the house off!”
“So what? It can’t do anything to us!”
“This is Disney!”
“Yeah, but it still can’t talk! It can’t tell on us, and it can’t get up to defend itself!”
“Oh, it can’t, aye?” whispers the voice inside the house. Her eyes light up, and she emits a soft, whispered cackle of laughter. “We’ll just see about that!”
Her glowing hands direct the old house. Two of the wood boards detach themselves from the porch and fly straight at the boys, smacking them at the same time in their rear ends. They cry out, grabbing their butts, but no sooner do they grab their behinds than the fence lifts and begins to snake its way around them.
“Dude!” Jay exclaims, his eyes wide and terrified. He looks at Ice for leadership just like he used to in their “good, old days”. He always thought he was too young to have good, old days, but clearly their good days were back in the older years, back in ‘93 before everything went crazy, before Witches and magic came to rule their lives.
“RUN!” Ice shrieks, dropping the toilet paper. “JUST SHUT UP AND RUN!”
The fence grabs them as they try to run. It wraps its boards around them and squeezes hard, hard enough to cut off their breathing but not hard enough to break any bones . . . not yet, at least.
The cackling laughter grows louder inside the house. The friends look at the open door in matching expressions of wide-eyed terror. The old Witch flies out on her broomstick. “Not all the Witches are partying,” she says. Her words are punctuated by a sneeze that makes her broomstick jerk and make a sound like a backfiring car. She waves a gnarled, pink finger at them. “And you two boys have been very bad!”
“You picked Witch Hazel's house?!” Ice cries at Jay.
“I didn’t know it was her house!” Jay cries back in defense, large tears beginning to roll down his trembling cheeks. “I thought nobody was home! So did you!”
“Only because you said so!”
“Boys, boys, boys . . . “ Hazel tisks and shakes her head. The front end of her broomstick wags between her gnarled hands, almost as though it’s trying to shake a finger at them too. “You should know, while in Disney, you’re always being watched! You vile villains will never get away with anything inside our magic gates!”
“But we don’t want to be here!” Ice wails, also beginning to cry.
“Yeah, we wanna go back to the fun times! When we could steal whatever we wanted from kids and never get caught!”
“Shut up, man! I don’t wanna steal from kids any more, Miss Witch Hazel! I just wanna be free!”
Hazel always knows a lie when she smells one. “Oh, you do, do you?” she retorts and cackles again. “Fine. Be free! Fly free!” She waves her hands at them as she orders the fence and all its white pickets, “Let go of them, boys!”
The fence pulls back and then snaps open. The momentum sends the boys flying through the air, over the Town Square, across Frontierland, and over several other areas of the park as well before finally dropping them, quite unceremoniously, into Never Neverland. Hazel’s old hands move swiftly and expertly, returning the glowing fence and boards to their proper places. Then she sends the toilet paper rolling off of her trees and flying through the air right after the disobedient teenagers.
Jay and Ice are screaming when the toilet paper comes down, hitting the crocodile in the head. Its massive jaw snaps shut for a moment, then it roars out in anguish. Still screaming, the friends turn and paddle as fast as they can, but they know they’re going to be fast enough. Quicksilver couldn’t outrun this angry crocodile, whose gnashing its nasty jaw right at the end of their high-top sneakers!
They scream like little girls, tears flowing down their faces, as they push forward as hard as they can. Jay’s scream suddenly twists with pain as the crocodile snaps his foot. He grabs Ice, and Ice pulls him through the water in desperation.
Something hits their heads. They look up to find a ladder dangling in front of them. Without hesitation, they grab it and start trying to scramble up it as they hear a gravelly voice command, “Heave ho, boys!”
The crocodile’s still attached to Jay’s leg. A musket ball zips past them, crashing into the croc’s tough hide and finally forcing the beast to release the teen. Jay keeps screaming and wailing as pain flares through him. The croc’s gone, but he took a good bit of his leg with him!
“Shut up, will you? No self-respecting villain would scream like that!” the same voice who led their rescue demands as they are finally dropped onto a ship’s brightly polished, wooden deck.
“But, C-C-Ca-Captain -- “
“But we don’t wanna be villains!” Ice wails, holding Jay in his arms. Jay’s sobbing too much now to be able to say anything. Ice can only hold him. He can’t offer any reassurance, because he doesn’t know how on Earth they’re ever going to get out of this one. He also can’t bear to look at what’s left of his only friend’s leg.
“Not now, Smee!”
“But -- “
“I SAID,” the Captain orders, his long, dark black mustache bristling, “NOT NOW!”
Looking at the boys, he demands, “Now shut up! We’ll get that leg healed!”
“Y-You can do that?” Jay whispers, finally shushing his tears enough that he can speak again. He wipes tears from his face, but more flow. He’s never been in such pain!
“This is Disney, boy! We can do anything!”
“Hey, aren’t you Captain Hook?” Ice asks. “Why aren’t you at the party?”
“Because,” the Pirate Captain growls, gripping the gold top of his cane a little harder in his barely controlled anger, “they let that new one go instead of me! They’ll learn to regret that! But first, let’s get you boys healed! There’s a certain Black Fairy who owes me a favor!”
As he calls out directions to his men, Ice looks at Jay and gently strokes his long, blonde hair. “We can’t get out of here,” he whispers. “We’ve tried escaping before.”
“I-I know,” Jay whispers back, “but if he can heal my leg -- “
“We might sail with him a ways, huh?”
“It’s better than being with that Mouse!”
The boys nod their agreement and fall silent as the next leg of their journey begins. This is Disney, a land filled with magic. Jay’s leg will be healed, but right now he hurts so much he can barely think . . . Except that the fact that what night it is does dawn on him. He smiles despite the pain, happy that he is at least with his best friend, a boy he’s idolized since they were children. “Hey, Ice?”
“For what it’s worth, happy Halloween.”
“Shut up,” Ice growls, trying to sound like the Captain earlier when he told his portly manservant to hush, but he does pull Jay a little closer and ruffle his blonde hair fondly. Jay leans his head on his shoulder and is soon fast asleep. Ice looks down into his face once he can hear him snoring. He smiles as he watches Jay sleep peacefully. They are eternally young, never to grow another day older, and they’re together. Maybe being at Disney isn’t so bad after all.