Author: Kat Lee
Character/Pairing: Gunn/Fred, Spike/Angel, Wesley, Lorne
Challenge/Prompt: nekid_spike: Bachelor Auction
Word Count: 1,074
Date Written: 5 September 2017
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to Whedon, not the author, and are used without permission.
“Spike! What are you doing here?”
“Yes,” Wesley agrees, pushing his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose. “I seem to recall you had several choice words concerning this event when Fred first attempted to sign us up.”
“She’s still lucky she didn’t sign me up without my permission,” Spike growls. “I’m not going to be auctioned off like cattle like you two poppycocks.”
“It’s for a good cause,” Gunn mutters, adjusting his tie again.
“What?” Spike snaps, snatching his tie out of his hands and effortlessly fixing it for him. “For your egos to get bruised if you don’t bring in enough dough?”
“No,” Wesley mutters, “half the proceeds are going to the local no-kill shelter -- “
Spike pauses for just a moment, considering.
“And the other half are going to a nearby shelter for runaways. A good one.”
“The one you stayed at for a little while?” Spike asks softly, his eyes touching his for a moment.
Gunn looks away, confirming the answer. Spike shrugs a shoulder. “Good causes,” he agrees, “though I’m surprised those two collaborating -- “
“You have us to thank for that, sweetcheeks,” Lorne comments.
Spike shrugs again. “They’re still getting my money. Anybody can bid on the bachelors, right?” he asks, looking at Lorne as Gunn and Wesley stare at him with twin expressions of shocks.
Lorne grins. “Anybody,” he assures, “but Angelcakes is guaranteed to bring in a pretty penny.”
Spike grabs a wad of cash out of an inside pocket on his jacket. “This much?”
Lorne thumbs quickly through the cash, but Spike doesn’t let go of the bills. He hasn’t pulled this much money out of hiding in one grab in a very long time. “You think that’ll be enough,” he asks, “or do I still need to call in a few debts?”
“It’s a good bid,” Lorne agrees, forcing his hands to relinquish the thick stash, “but you might want to go ahead and call in those IOUs.”
“Done,” Spike mutters and walks off. He feels Gunn’s and Wesley’s eyes still boring into his back as he moves away.
“You think that’s the reason he refused to volunteer?” Gunn asks Wesley.
“No,” Wes immediately answers, remembering all the things Spike yelled when Fred had first said she’d signed them up for the event. “He’s only ever bartered his body once.”
“He’s right,” Lorne speaks quickly before Gunn can inquire about the other incident. “Angelcakes is only a bonus, but if he wins him, tonight will definitely be a night to remember.” His red eyes gleam with delighted anticipation, and he rubs his hands together with glee. “It’s almost enough to make a man not want to bid on the star player at all.”
“Almost?” Gunn intones.
“Almost.” Lorne winks. “I’d have to be a fool not to take advantage of this opportunity!”
Gunn sighs, watching Lorne sashay away, then turns on Wesley. “So who do you think is going to bid on us?”
“The whole house may bid on Angel,” Wesley counters defensively, “but they can’t all win him.”
“But he’s the last auction! Remember Lorne’s little quip about saving the best for last? What if nobody else bids because they’re too concerned with waiting to see if they can buy him?!”
Wesley’s face falls. “I . . . had not considered that,” he admits, murmuring underneath his breath.
The men look up, now with twin looks of horror instead of surprise, as the announcer’s voice begins the auction.
“Ah, well. You’re up first!” Wesley shoves Gunn out onto the stage before he can react.
“Hey! Why me?!” Gunn exclaims and then stops talking, his eyes growing wider as his mouth hangs open. The spotlight is on him, and every man and woman in the crowded auditorium is looking at him like he’s something good to eat!
“Going once, going twice . . . Come on, folks! Somebody make a bid! Not everybody can win the Angel at the end of the night!”
“Aw, man!” Gunn groans, realizing his nightmare is about to come true.
“Ah bid a hundred dollahs!” a familiar voice calls from the first row. Gunn blinks as a second and third bid are made. A betting war takes place, and he cringes as a tall, muscular being, who he’s not quite certain is male or female and has only one eye in the middle of their forehead, takes the lead.
“Going once,” the auctioneer calls out. “Going twice . . . “ He raises his gavel.
“Five hundred dollahs!”
“Seven fifty,” the cyclops argues with a twist of his (her? Gunn wonders) wrist.
The crowd seems to hold their breath.
“Going once . . . Going twice . . . “
“One thousand dollahs!”
Gunn’s mouth drops open again. He knows he knows that voice!
“He’s not worth that much, sugar,” the Cyclops sneers, twisting in her (his?) seat. He (She?) shrugs one massive shoulder. “I’ll get the next one.”
“Going once . . . Going twice . . . SOLD!” the auctioneer calls out as the spotlight moves to the winner.
Gunn already knows her identity, however, before the spotlight shines on her long, dark hair. He knows, too, that he’s grinning like an idiot, but he doesn’t care. As he’s led pass the pouting cyclops, he winces inwardly and silently wishes Wes good luck. Thinking of Spike, and Lorne too, as well as Angel, he hopes the best for all his friends.
But then his thoughts all come to a stop as he’s delivered to his beaming exgirlfriend. Fred’s blushing as red as Gunn’s tie. “This is goin’ to take me forevah to pay Lorne back,” Fred murmurs, grasping his head, “but it’s so worth it!”
He laughs, but it isn’t until they’re headed home together that he finally asks, “Did you have this planned all along?”
Fred steals a shy, sideways look at him. “If Ah had, would you have blamed me?”
“No,” he says with a shrug and a shake of his head, “but all you had to do was ask me. It would’ve been a lot easier.”
She grins bashfully. “You know Ah’m not that bold.”
“You’re bolder than you think.” He slides an arm and drapes an arm gently around her thin shoulders. “You didn’t have to win me at auction, Fred,” he says quietly. “I never stopped being yours.” She beams, but little does Gunn know that those very same words will be repeated much later that night as Lorne’s camera flashes in a wild frenzy and one Vampire finally wins another back to his side.