Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Challenge/Prompt: nekid_spike A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words: Day 27:
Warning(s): Future Fic, Cannon Character Death
Word Count: 958
Date Written: 29 August 2017
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to Whedon, not the author, and are used without permission.
“Do you ever think about it, how things might have been different?” she asks softly one night, having slipped out behind him as he’s smoking outside to make certain his cigarette smoke doesn’t contaminate her or Dawnie’s lungs.
He glances at her, cigarette still in his mouth, and his eyes must darken a little bit, because she waves away the cigarette. “I’m not studying that tonight, Spike.” She sits down on the steps. He sits beside her, inhales his cigarette one more time, then tosses it to the ground, and stomps on it.
She looks pointedly at him. “I told you -- “
“I know,” he answers immediately, “but I am. Especially what with what tomorrow is and all.”
Her face softens. “You remembered -- “
“Of course I did,” he says. Then he opens his arms, and without a word, she goes into them. She closes her eyes as she snuggles her head into his chest. She wishes she could feel safe. She wishes, for just once, she could stop thinking about the never-ending fight and just let herself feel safe and happy, feel completed now that she’s got the man she loves and their family too.
He strokes her hair. “The question,” he says softly, “is not rather or not I have thought about it. It’s not even if you’ve thought about it, because I know you have. What I don’t know, and would like to, is what you have thought when you have considered it.”
She shakes her head against his chest. “I’ve wondered, more than a million times, why I couldn’t save her. God gave me all this power. He chose me to be the Chosen One. Why? Why if I couldn’t even save my own mother?”
“Because, pet,” Spike whispers as he has done so many times over the years, “it was her time.”
Buffy continues as though she hasn’t heard him, “And if I couldn’t save my mother, do I really care about being the Chosen One? I’d give it up in a heartbeat if I could, but I can’t, and so far, I have managed to save you and Dawnie and all the others.”
“You’ve saved the world,” he says gently, brushing her hair back away from her face.
He hears her smirking smile in her tone as she concludes, “A lot.” They sit in silence for a while. He could sit there all night, just holding her, and she is the one who eventually breaks the silence again, “But there’s a lot of good about being the Slayer too. Like this family we’ve formed. Like having Dawnie for a sister -- I was an only child before, you know. Like meeting you.” She turns her head and kisses the first available spot of his body that becomes available to her, his knee. “Like loving you.”
“You didn’t have to be the Slayer,” he comments quietly, “for me to love you. I would have loved you anyway.”
“But would we have met any way? That’s what I’ve asked myself many times over. If I had not been the Slayer, would we have met? Would I have Dawn for a sister? Would I ever met Willow, Xander, Giles? I don’t know,” she admits, shaking her head.
The fact that he’s certain she would have regardless is on the tip of his tongue as she continues, “But I do know my Mom would have still died. She would have still died, and I would have been alone. But this way, I’m not alone. So yeah, I guess you could say I have thought about it a little -- “
“Just a little?” he breaks in, teasing.
She smiles and nods. “Yeah, just a little. Okay, well, maybe more than a little. But I’ve thought about it and, yes, it’s worth it. I just don’t always remember that.”
She sits up, but he reaches out and takes her hand. He isn’t ready for the connection between their bodies to be broken. “I’ll try to remind you,” he volunteers, squeezing her hand, “a little more often. But while we’re on the subject . . . “ He grows grave. “Yeah, I’ve thought about it and agree it’s worth it. Anything would have been worth it to love you.”
Buffy beams. “You always know the right thing to say.”
“Now,” Spike adds, remembering how often his tongue has gotten him into trouble in the past. He’d thought he’d known how to woo a lady, long ago before he’d been turned, but he’d been wrong. His words had only caused him more trouble, but that was because he was never meant to be with Cecily. He’d also never been meant to stay with Drusilla, Darla, and Angelus, and that’s why he’d undergone such Hell when he’d been with them. “Now that I’m with the right woman,” he corrects, smiling.
“Are you?” she asks, teasing.
“Oh, yeah,” he growls playfully and snatches her back down into his lap. With his lips already angling over hers, he adds in a rush of hot breath across her smiling face, “I’m with the right woman, you’re with the right man, and don’t you forget it.”
“I won’t,” she barely has time to say before he kisses her, proving the truth of his words to her again and again with his lips and tongue just as he does with his body every night. They’ve both survived Hell multiple times, but it’s been worth it. Everything’s been worth it, because they’re together and they’re going to stay together for as long as there’s breath left in her body. Even after, Spike knows he won’t regret it. He won’t regret it, because he will treasure every second he has with her, and when she’s gone, he’ll hold those memories close until he’s with her again.