Author: Kat Lee
Fandoms: X-Men/Guardians of the Galaxy
Challenge/Prompt: 1_million_words August Rush:
Word Count: 701
Date Written: 15 August 2017
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to Marvel Comics and Disney, not the author, and are used without permission.
She’s literally standing on top of a world when a fresh wave of homesickness hits her. From here, she can see the entire Milky Way galaxy, even if her planet and those nearest it look like tiny dots in the atmosphere. She stares at those small dots through tears rising in her brown eyes.
She had thought coming out here would make things easier. She thought she’d be okay once she was saving the world again, that having lost those she has wouldn’t hurt so terribly. She smirks at her own self. For a genius, Pryde, you certainly can be a dumbass.
It doesn’t matter where she goes; it doesn’t matter what she does. That pain will always be a part of her. They will always be a part of her: from Wolverine to her birth parents to the Professor all the way down to Moira and even Lockheed, who’s still very much alive but simply no longer has time for her. Every single one of them will always be a part of her. She will always hear the ghosts of their voices in her head. She will always be a part of their family, a Pryde and an X-Man, no matter where she goes.
“Kitty?” Peter’s voice crackles over the intercom in her suit. “I’m finished. Are you?”
“Y-Yeah,” she answers hesitantly, pressing two fingers against the button in her suit so that he can hear her. “Yeah, I’m done.” In more ways than one. She’s done lying to herself. She’s done hiding from the truth and running from the pains of life that can not be escaped. She’s done pretending to be something she can never be.
“Are you okay?”
The concern in his voice hits her with a new wave of guilt. “Yeah,” she answers. “I’m okay.” She is okay, but she wonders if he ever will be. What first drew her to him was that he was hurting almost as much as she, and he’s been lying to himself as much as she’s been lying to herself.
Neither one of them can hide from the pain, trauma, and grief that haunt them. She’s ready to embrace hers, or at least to accept it. Will he ever be ready for his? she wonders, but when he comes to her, she knows. His eyes have changed. There’s knowledge in them now. Like herself, he’s done running.
She touches the glass visor around his mouth, wishing she could touch him, longing to hold him and be held by him once more. She thought she might be able to fix them, when they first met, but she understands now that no one can fix them except for themselves. They have to heal their own selves, and the only way they can do that has to start with accepting what’s hurt them so much in the first place.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
She nods. “Yes.” She’s okay, but again, she wonders if he will be. The last thing she wants to do is to hurt him. She’ll never love him as she has the main Peters in her life, but she does care about him deeply.
He shoots her a grin full of bravado and strength. He suspects, and she already knows, the truth. He lifts her gloved fingers to his visor and makes an act of kissing them through the glass. His action sparks a grin, but that smile doesn’t reach her haunted eyes. She’ll have to leave him soon. Soon, she thinks, but not tonight.
For one more night, she can be Starlady, a woman from the stars, a lady desperately in love with her Starlord. For one more night, she can try to make him happy. She only hopes that that little bit of joy can last them a while, because she knows, once they part again, it will be a very long time before they see each other again and before they’re reminded what it feels like to be happy. But tonight . . . Tonight, she’ll once again do everything in her power to make her Starlord happy, starting with the smile she gives him as they start, hand in hand, back to his ship.