Kat Lee (katleept) wrote,
Kat Lee

The Same Pain

Title: The Same Pain
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: X-Men
Character/Pairing: Shadowcat/Prestige
Rating: G/K
Challenge/Prompt: slashthedrabble 455: Breathless
Warning(s): None
Word Count: 400
Date Written: 28 July 2017
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to Marvel Comics and Disney, not the author, and are used without permission.

Sometimes, when she knows she doesn’t know what she’s doing, Kitty just likes to watch Rachel. She watches the way the light shines on her bright, red hair and the way the whole room seems to light up whenever she smiles, which she still doesn’t do often enough. Who can blame her, Kitty thinks, after all she’s suffered?

She likes to watch her, likes to dream, to imagine, but the painful truth is never far from Kitty’s mind: This Rachel is as beautiful as her own, the girl with whom she fell in love with back when they thought their family was dead. She is, after all, the exact duplicate of the Rachel she loved, down to her very last hair and fingerprint. She’s experienced most of the same things her Ray did, fought the same battles, cried the same tears, suffered the same tragedies, . . .

But that’s where the similarities end. This Rachel is not the same woman Kitty fell in love with before; she’s not the same person who loved Kitty just as strongly as she loved her. That’s why Kitty just hangs back sometimes and watches her. She likes to pretend that this beautiful, passionate woman could be the same one that she loved before.

Her breath catches in her throat as she watches her and imagines. It’s hard to breathe. It’s hard to think. It’s harder still to accept that this woman is not the love of her life. Kitty’s left breathless not just with desire but with a burning need within her that she knows can’t be filled. Still, she likes to imagine maybe one day this Rachel can be hers. Maybe she, too, can learn to love Kitty like the one before her. Regardless, Kitty knows a part of her will spend her whole life waiting to be loved again by her Rachel.

As she phases backward into the wall, she misses Rachel looking up, tears reflected in her green eyes. She loved Kitty before, just not this Kitty, and she lives a secret life of pain again every time she sees her and remembers her cherished Kate, who she left behind to die. This Kitty can’t love her; she won’t cause her best friend’s death twice.

Both women turn away, tears in their eyes. Neither dares speak the truth even if only one whispered, I love you</>, would save them both from misery.

The End
Tags: excalibur: kitty/rachel
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