Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: Ace Ventura, Pet Detective
Character/Pairing: Ace, Animals
Challenge/Prompt: fan_flashworks #181: Party; fffc #17.03: Sugar; and tamingthemuse #550: Alpaca
Word Count: 1,126
Date Written: 10 February 2017
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
As their target looks up, Ace quickly darts back around the edge of his window. He pushes his back against his thin wall, flattening himself as well as he can out of the view of their target. He shakes his head at his companion's wide grin. "You can't hit that," he says. His friend answers him by sticking out his long, pink tongue. "Not without being seen, at least," Ace amends.
His companion nods his head in persistence. He knows he can hit the target without ever being caught despite what the Pet Detective claims. He waits patiently, chewing the wad of sugar in his mouth, gnashing it between his big teeth, and waiting for the perfect moment. Just as the man moves to step into the cab he's hailed, he leans out just over the window ledge, aims with clear intent, and lets his sugar and spit fly.
Ace jumps into the window beside his friend just as the alpaca lets go of his gum and spit. It lands square in the man's head. The alpaca laughs. Ace whoops with joy. The off duty cop slowly reaches a hand up to his head, touches the spit with two fingers, pulls his fingers back into his eyesight, and visibly shudders. Then he glowers up at Ace's window, just as Ace ducks back out of sight, pulling the alpaca with him.
"You did good, boy," he says as Spike tries to hand him a banana.
Ace looks at him. "Hairy doesn't want that," he tells him. A nearby squirrel chatters and offers up a nut. Ace shakes his head. "Not that either." A wolf pup offers a bone, but again Ace shakes his head. "You keep that, fella," he says, ruffling the puppy's gray fur. A cat bounces a ball to him; Ace rolls it back to her.
At last, a chimpanzee brings up a handful of sweet hay. "Perfect," Ace compliments, grabbing the hay. "Thank you." He gives the hay to the alpaca, keeping a single strand for himself and rubs the top of his head right between his large ears. "You did great, Harry!" he says approvingly again before slowly rolling to his knees.
Ace chews on his strand of hay as he ever so gradually rises his gaze above the window ledge again. The cab's gone, taking Sergeant Aguado with it. Ace bellows with laughter, remembering the look on the cop's face when Hairy got him again. Ace had gotten a few good shots in himself before the cop had almost caught sight of him, but Hairy had maneuvered that last spitball with the effortless grace and perfect aim that only an animal could have.
Ace's laughter rings throughout his apartment. The birds and squirrels chitter with joy. Cats meow, dogs bark, and snakes hiss. Soon, all his animal friends are shaking with laughter themselves. Most of them wouldn't know why they're laughing if he asked them except for the fact that he himself is laughing and they hear his laughter far too rarely these days.
A broom thuds against Ace's floor. "KEEP YOUR VIDEOS DOWN, NATURE BOY! NOBODY ELSE WANTS TO HEAR THAT STUFF!"
Ace covers his mouth with his hand and barely stops himself from shooting off an angry retort to his old landlady. He rolls his eyes instead and calls back obediently, "YES, MA'AM! I WOULDN'T WANT TO INTERRUPT YOUR NAP!" The old woman is always sleeping if she's not making his or another tenant's life Hell.
"SEE THAT YOU DON'T!"
Ace rolls his eyes again. "Yes, Satan," he whispers, making Spike chatter louder. Ace covers the monkey's hand with his mouth. "Sh," he says, looking around his apartment at the other animals who are all laughing more softly now.
It's a bright, Saturday afternoon in the middle of Summer. Aguado was leaving for vacation to a tropical paradise. Almost everybody in Miami was headed to one beach or another, but instead of the beach, Ace has been here for hours in the heat as his air conditioner always manages to stay broken surrounded by animals that everybody else would say smell. He sniffs the air as he considers this fact, but his friends and animals brothers and sisters smell just fine to him.
"Let them keep their beaches," Ace murmurs, petting Spike and scratching Hairy again. "They can't be half as fun as being here with you guys. And you are going to fit in just fine," he continues, looking up at Hairy and remembering his uncertainty hours before about sneaking an alpaca pass his landlady. Hairy had had nowhere else to go, though, after he'd saved him from that miserable children's "zoo". He'll catch up with his new alligator friends later, but no one was going to make a sweater out of Hairy, who moved far slower than the gators, or boots out of Rip and Tide, for that matter. Ace had doubled back just long enough to make certain the gators had escaped to the sewer before continuing home with Hairy.
"One day we'll have it, boy," he says, getting to his feet and holding Hairy's long face in his gentle hands. "One day we'll own this whole building and have air conditioning twenty four seven." He watches the sweat pooling in Hairy's wool. "But for now," he says, giving a little whistle and holding his hand up, "I think it's time we give you a hair cut."
A blue jay swoops down, delivering scissors to Ace's outstretched fingers. "Thanks, Leo," he says and pauses before starting to cut to look around at his animal friends once again. Hairy catches his eye with a sparkle in his own eyes and nods his head toward Ace's window. Ventura laughs again, bringing soft laughter from all the animals once more.
"We'll do some more soon," he promises, "but first let's make your load a little lighter." Oh, yeah, he thinks as he starts to cut and knows the alpaca already trusts him entirely from how still and calm he stands, the humans can keep the beach and their human parties. There's no place he'd rather be than right here with his animal friends and family, sharing happily in the never ending party that is their life together. He chuckles again. "And damn, you have good aim, boy!"
Hairy laughs, agreeing with him. Then he reaches over and runs his tongue all the way from Ace's thin chest up through his spiked, brown hair, thanking him once again for saving him and sharing his happy life with him. They may not have much even together, but they have each other, and all the other animals in Ace's apartment, and their lives and hearts are full of the treasures they do have.