Author: Kat Lee
Fandoms: X-Men/Generation X/Batman
Challenge/Prompt: 1_million_words Torrid Tuesdays: Love Long Distance
Word Count: 895
Date Written: 24 July 2016
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
It's been years since she's seen him, but it doesn't keep her from thinking about him. It's kind of like chili cheese fries or the mall. She hasn't eaten the first in decades, not since being turned into a Vampire, and it's been years since she's had the time or even desire to amble through the mall. The life she leads now doesn't leave very much room for personal time, and what time she does have to herself is generally spent sleeping, catching up on her few TV series, or both.
But still, she thinks about him. She thinks about him when she sees a robin perch on her window sill. She thinks about him when she adds a new dark-haired boy into her latest team of young X-Men. (It's still hard to believe that she's leading the X-Men now, although Bishop was right: She is the last of her generation of X-Men. She's buried all those who were alive and a part of her life when Bishop first came into this reality. It hurts to think about him, but at the same time, she knows she's lucky to have had them as a part of her life.)
She thinks of him again when Pixie comments on some cute guy she's spotted. She thinks of him again when their world merges with another, but it never seems to merge with the right one. All sense and reason says that she'll never see him again, but sense and reason would also dictate that people who are feared and hated by the world wouldn't lay their lives to protect the very ones who would destroy them with their hatred if given the chance, and that a person born a mutant would get to stay a mutant for as long as they chose.
She's had her mutant genes stripped from her. She's had her humanity stolen and watched nearly every friend she's ever had die, even the ones like Wolverine who weren't supposed to be killable. So if she wants to hold on to the wild idea, which some would call out right crazy, that she will see him again, who has the right to say that it's impossible? Besides, for the X-Men, making the impossible happen is still kind of a daily thing.
She's got her plan. She still keeps tabs on Access, whenever he's in her world. She keeps tabs, too, on others like Doctor Strange's son, who can hop into other dimensions, and she knows Pixie's been secretly trying to locate the right world to find her Robin. She still doesn't know what his real name is, but that, too, in the lives of super heroes, is nothing unusual. The X-Men still have allies who have saved them, and who they, in turn, have saved whose names they don't know. It's like Hank said once: Names really aren't important. A rose, by any other name, is still just as sweet.
She wonders what he looks like now and how he's changed. Has he grown old? She dares not consider that the lives they lead might well have kept him from ever getting that opportunity. Does he have gray hair? Has the blue of his eyes faded any or do they still sparkle just as brightly when he's happy as they did when they were teenagers being forced to fight each other to save their worlds? Is he still fighting to save his?
There are so many questions, but her life's always been full of questions. The life of an X-Man always is, and it's never easy. It is, however, always worth it. She's reminded of the worthiness of her life every time her team saves a new soul and every time she brings a new, scared mutant into their sacred fold. She's suffered a great deal of tragedies. She's got a list of dead friends longer than Gambit's list of what he wanted to do with Rogue, but she still keeps fighting.
She always will, but she's also always going to keep dreaming and one day, hopefully before he's too old and gray to have forgotten her (and she never lets it cross her mind that he might not remember her now -- after all, he did already have a girlfriend when they knew each other before), she's going to find her Robin. One day, she's going to pass the mantle of the X-Men's leader onto her last, dear friend, Pixie, and she's going to go live her own life. She's going to find the right dimension. She's going to find the right timeline, and she's going to find her Robin.
She's going to find her Robin. She just hopes he remembers her and that they're still young enough to do what they wanted to do back then. But for now, Jubilee calls her team together again. For now, she sets out to protect the young mutants who trust her with their lives and to save more lives in the process. For now, she keeps fighting the fight that her friends and family started before her.
She keeps burying people, too, but with each day she sees a robin light on the window of her office, she thinks yet again, One day. One day, she's going to find him. One day, she's going to let herself love again. One day, she's going to live again.