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Couldn't Happen To Her!

Title: Couldn't Happen To Her!
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: Golden Girls
Character/Pairing: Blanche/Dorothy, Rose/OMC, Sophia
Rating: PG/K+
Challenge/Prompt: femslash100100: Alphabet Soup: Startle
Warning(s): None
Word Count: 1,077
Date Written: 27 October 2017
Summary:
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.




She wakes to a cold wind blowing in from her bedroom window. Dorothy frowns, looking down at the window. She never leaves her window open any more, not even on the hottest nights, and yet there it is, the breeze coming inside rustling her curtains. There’s light spilling in from a crack in her doorway, but she closed her door too!

Frowning, her heartbeat beginning to increase, Dorothy slips from her bed. She pads over first to the window and slides it silently shut. Then she grabs her baseball bat from her closet before slipping out her already opened bedroom door.

She checks on her mother as she slips pass Sophia’s room, but Sophia’s sound asleep. Her snores are like a buzzsaw. Maybe that will scare the intruder, Dorothy thinks as she continues on to the living room, not wanting to wake the other girls.

The door’s open to the lanai, and as Dorothy crosses silently through the living room, the bat held high above her head, she’s fearful both that she’s going to catch the intruder and that she’s going to be too late. She’s just about to step through the doorway when she’s grabbed from behind. Dorothy shrieks, dropping the bat rather than using it.

Familiar laughter seems to echo around her. Sharp teeth graze Dorothy’s neck. She shoves the intruder off of her as a light flicks on. “Blanche?! What in the Hell are you doing?! I could have hurt you!!”

“Not highly likely, Dorothy, when you dropped yoah weapon already.” Blanche flutters her eyelashes up at her room mate and secret lover. She takes the fake, Vampire fangs out of her mouth. “Some big, bad protector you are.”

“I’ll show you big and bad!” Dorothy trumpets, reaching for the bat.

“Why, Dorothy, you’re not gonna use that thing on little, ole me!”

“Wanna bet?” Dorothy comes up fast at Blanche, but she slows her swing, causing the bat to only lightly tap Blanche’s barely clothed rear end instead.

Blanche shrieks with laughter while Dorothy’s face slowly turns red. “See, Dorothy?” Rose asks, coming closer to the couple from the entrance to the kitchen where she’d turned on the light. “Even you can get scared watching horror movies this time of the year!”

“One,” Dorothy retorts snappily, “it wasn’t my idea that we watch that mess! And two, I wasn’t scared! I was just . . . startled, is all.”

“Suuuuure, Dorothy,” Blanche drawls, drawing out the first word and batting her eyelashes again. “An’ Elvis Presley was just a singer.”

“He was -- “

Anger suddenly laces Blanche’s face. Her eyes harden. “Don’t start in on the King now, Dorothy, just ‘cause you’re mad at me an’ Rose.”

Dorothy looks at each woman in turn. “Did the two of you plan this together?!” she asks, exasperated.

“Nah.” Blanche shrugs. “It just kinda worked out well, is all.”

“I’m just getting home from my date,” Rose admits sheepishly.

“Really? With your new beau?” Blanche questions, suddenly all ears.

“Yes.” Rose looks away from them, but her deep blush gives her away.

“Oh, Rose Nylund, you sly dog, you! Ah thought you didn’t put out on th’ first date!”

“I don’t!!”

“Uh huh.” Blanche nudges her side with her elbow. “Sure ya don’t, honey. You just keep on havin’ that good, clean, wholesome fun. Dorothy an’ Ah are gonna have some fun o’ our own.”

“Blanche!”

Blanche shrugs and, taking Dorothy’s hand, leads her pass their room mate. “It’s not like she doesn’t already know, Dorothy. Rose may be naive, but she’s not that dumb.”

“Blanche!” Dorothy protests again, her lips working double time moving back and forth but only one word seeming capable of coming out of her shocked mouth.

“I’m not that dumb,” Rose declares, shaking her blonde head and holding it up proudly. “Er, I’m not dumb.”

“Riiiight,” Dorothy says, drawing out the word. Looking around them, she asks, “Just be sure you lock up good, okay?”

“Oh, come on, Dorothy,” Blanche says, tugging on her girlfriend’s hand. “Th’ big, bad Boogeyman isn’t gonna get us!” She laughs and pulls Dorothy down the hallway behind her.

Rose smiles, leans down, and picks up Dorothy’s bat. Thoughtfully, she swings it against her other hand and catches it smoothly. She looks out into the night from the doorway of the lanai. The wind is rising; she vaguely recalls the weatherman saying something about a storm coming.
She shuts the door and locks it too but continues gazing out at the night for a moment. She has noticed how beautiful a Miami night can be. Of course, it’s nothing like a Saint Olaf night, but there’s still promise on the wind . . .

And promise with her new beau! Rose’s smile turns bashful again as she raises a hand up to feel the side of her neck. He had gotten fresh with her surprisingly quickly, but she had stuck to her morals. They had done nothing more than a little bit of kissing, but she had never known such passion as that immigrant from Transylvania had! She sighs dreamily, rubbing the wound on her neck.

Rose tidies up a little in the living room, only partially listening to the gasps and moans coming from her friend’s bedroom. She knows they think she’s dumb, but she’s not that dumb. She was the smartest of her class after all! She knows what her new beau wants, and she might give it to him -- eventually.

She giggles suddenly as she remembers Dorothy’s reaction to Blanche. Why, Dorothy would probably be the one most likely -- at least tonight -- to think Alexandru was simply trying to nibble her neck to make her a creature of the night! Her giggle gets a little louder as she tries to imagine herself as a Vampire.

But her laughter continues echoing throughout the house and out into the night, where even the wind seems to die down in fright. Alone in her bedroom, Sophia clutches her crucifix and prays she’s not hearing what she thinks.

Back in the living room, Rose sighs, restrains herself, and smiles. Her as a Vampire! Now that really would be a sight! She grins, never seeing the teeth that appear in her smile or noticing that she doesn’t cast a reflection on the dark television screen, and starts to head off to bed. She’s hungry, though, and stops for cheesecake instead, still chuckling at the idea that she could ever be a fiend in the night!


The End

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